Less of a rant and more of a way to spot confusionlationships. Which is a word I made up…you’re welcome. It’s that in between stage single people find themselves in when they’re not really dating someone but they kinda are. Confusing right? I know… that’s the point. These are situations that we sometimes blindly and other times willingly put ourselves in where we are hoping the relationship is going somewhere, but deep down inside we know it’s not. Sad right? But we don’t have to settle for it. If you know what you want and you’re willing to have your line be dry for a spell until you get what you want, it’s no longer a sad situation. Anyway, I took the liberty of jotting down some ways to spot a confusionlationship . Im sure I missed plenty, so feel free to comment with others. Disclaimer: I can only speak from my perspective so I say “He”a lot, but if you’re a guy who finds himself in these situations often, feel free to change “He” to “She”.Enjoy…
You might be in a confusionlationship if…
1. He regularly ignores you. A man who wants you doesn’t ignore you. He wants to talk to you. He wants to spend time with you. If you constantly find yourself in a situation where you’re being ignored, you honestly need to change the way you communicate to weed out people who aren’t real potentials. If he’s not answering your messages or the phone when you want to talk, then don’t answer him when he wants to talk. It’s not petty. It’s not childish. But why should you give him something he isn’t giving you. Answering text messages is a basic level of respect. At this day and age, we use phones as computers. He did see your text message and he chose not to answer it. Don’t give him respect that he isn’t giving you.
2. He can’t plan a date. Unless you all have agreed to take turns on planning. It’s his job to pick a place and make sure it’s something you’re comfortable with. If he isn’t doing this intentional act, he might not like you as much as he should.
3. Your relationship has no in person contact/communication. If you are only texting and talking on the phone….that’s all you’re doing. You’re not courting. You’re not dating. You have no obligation and neither does the other person.
4. If the communication is inconsistent. If the other person doesn’t regularly contact you, you might not actually be dating. It has to be intentional. He has to make it a point to consistently contact you …good morning texts don’t count. You get to decide what you’ll accept, so you have to make up in your mind what intentional looks like for you and not settle. And if he can go a long period without communicating with you and y’all are supposed to be “dating”, you might want to re-evaluate things. Different things for different people, but marriage is everyday. So, if you’re dating to be married, you should at least be talking a few times a week. If not, they just may not like you the way that they should.
5. There’s no commitment. If it’s not exclusive, it’s not official. Plain. Simple. So don’t go complaining to your friend about how he posted a picture of another girl. Are y’all dating??? Exactly.
6. He’s not considerate of your feelings. If you all have an argument or a disagreement and he doesn’t call to clarify or convince you otherwise…honestly, your feelings and opinions might not be a big deal to him. We can come up with all the excuses in the world about how he doesn’t like drama, or like to argue or make the situation worse, but to me it shows that he doesn’t know how to deal with confrontation. Or you’re someone who could come or go for him and he doesn’t care ENOUGH about your feelings to talk about it and fix the problem.
7. If he doesn’t like you. If he hasn’t said the words “I like you”, he doesn’t. Again, it’s important to be intentional. When you’re a “grown up” and you want a real relationship, vulnerability and honesty is important. If you can’t say that you like the person and want to get to know them beyond friends, then you’re not ready for a real relationship. That’s a pretty basic step and a very important one.
On the other end of the spectrum, we have men and women who aren’t mature enough to say they don’t want to be with you because they are afraid of being lonely. So they do things that lead the other person on. Maybe not intentionally but the impact is important too. Right? Just in case you’re not sure if you’re doing this or not reference the actions listed below…
- Constantly calling/texting (especially late at night) when you have no romantic interest
- Accepting gifts
- Giving gifts
- Flirting with people you don’t like
- Giving an imaginary timeline of when things can FINALLY get serious
Essentially we need to stop dating like we’re in the 7th grade. As an actual adult, you don’t have time for men and women who aren’t looking for a relationship and are always on your line. When you have goals that you need to accomplish, your energy and focus is better spent elsewhere. When you make up in your mind that you want a real relationship with someone who is intentional, you magically have way more time in the day. Time appears because you’re no longer wasting time texting people or talking to folks when the relationship isn’t going anywhere, meaning you stop entertaining confusionlationships. More magic…you have less stress, because you’re not worrying about whether he “feels” like answering a text message or not. You’re not trying to read into every little action, because a man who is intentional won’t let you be confused or in the dark about how he feels about you. He WANTS you to know because he recognizes your worth and doesn’t want to lose you. If you don’t want a real relationship, this doesn’t apply, but if you do… stay single until you can date a grown up.